Ik hou van jou! Je t’aime! Aloha wau ia ‘oe! Ich liebe dich! Ya lyublyu tebya! Te amo! I love you!
Did you know that there are so many ways to talk to a loved one that in the course of a day you can misinterpret, misspeak, and most importantly miscommunicate? It’s really true!
So get this, one of the most striking realizations Alex and I have had in the course of counseling is that while there are only 5 “Love Languages” (at least according to our counselor and Dr. Gary Chapman) Alex and I do not like nor speak the same language.
The basics of the love languages go like this…
- Words of Affirmation – pretty straightforward, “I love you” and “Thank You” type phrases. In other words, vocalize how you feel.
- Quality Time – you’d think it’s simple but it’s not. Quality time is dependent on what the person who is seeking this language defines as quality. Alex likes cuddling on the couch and considers this quality. I do not. I’m more walking down a quiet path holding hands as quality time.
- Receiving Gifts – yes there is an actual “gift” involved, but the point to this is more the thought and meaning behind the gift that speaks of love rather than the actual item itself.
- Acts of Service – Ladies will probably really understand this one but lots of guys too! Vacuuming, cooking dinner, and keeping up with commitments. These are all HUGE ways to say I love you without saying the words
- Physical Touch – I don’t really need to explain this do I? Good!
Ok so you see all those different ways to say I Love You? Now personalize them. Oh and as an added twist, think about the top two you like to receive versus what you like to give. Now categorize your significant other.
Have them do the same thing.
Were you on target or way off?
Alex (I love you dear) but when we did this Alex was WAY off. He had no clue what I really want and need. I was halfway there, and managed to get one of his top two correct. So while Alex was giving me gift after gift thinking he’s saying I love you, all I was / am (We’re learning people, we’re learning!) observing was a continuous lack of words SAYING how he felt.
No wonder we always feel like we’re talking to a wall! We’re talking to a wall of different languages, heck we might as well be communicating in French and Spanish. (Actually, per my Mom this can be done…just ask her about her Mission Trip experience.)
The great news is now that we know what each other likes, we can learn to translate our thoughts and feelings from our own personal love language into another love language. We can also remember to translate an I love you that may not be said in the way we would like into the way it is meant. With Love!
So what about you? What are YOUR top two love languages?
Related posts:
I feel all left out you didn’t say I love you in Arabic! (It’s Uhibuk.)
p.s. All fixed!
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
YAY and I will be honest I thought about it but what I found online didn’t translate over for some odd reason. Uhibuk back at you!
Told ya to read the book! Even after 30 years, I’ve learned there is something more to learn about how my hubby hears me tell him “I love you”.
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
Read a book? I didn’t read a book – I paid for someone to tell me about it!
I love the Five Love Languages – that theory totally changed our marriage.
I’m Acts of Service and Quality Time.
Guess which two Rich doesn’t care about?
Yep.
He’s Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.
Soooooo not mine. Once we realized the differences though and started “speaking” each others languages it made a huge difference.
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
I have to say that its something I never even defined about myself until this and man it sure helped translate Alex’s “love”
Yes! This is so important! My husband and I heard about this book in our first year of dating and it was so interesting as we realized that we hadn’t been communicating love in the way we thought. I was always writing him these long letters full of my feelings for him and lovey dovey mush and while he appreciated them, he really just wanted quality time with me. These days he loves acts of service – you’d think I’d bought him a new car with how excited he gets over me bringing him a Sonic drink to work or something.
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
Aww you bring him drinks!!! I think Alex would get embarrassed if I showed up at his job. Luckily I can use visiting my dad as an excuse
I read this book way before we were married and was fascinated by it. I think it is so interesting to note these labels at work in ALL of our relationships. I got the book as a gift for our one year “paper” anniversary, and I can’t wait to read it again, thinking specifically about our marriage.
If I remember correctly, I think the languages I like to “hear” are words of affirmation and gifts, while my husband thrives on acts of service. I think we both need quality time but have not yet figured out exactly what will satisfy both of us.
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
That is such a great idea for a first anniversary gift! Traditional and helpful.
It can be pretty insane what we think we’re communicating and what we’re actually communicating isn’t it? Argh. Love is hard, yo.
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
Love is very hard. But that’s what makes it so rewarding, at least in my opinion.
We are both getting away for our 4 year anniversary this friday – where there will be much quality time and touching
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
Giggle. Gosh I want a trip away so bad – not in the cards this year, but we’re going to at least take a walk for our anniversary!
Mine are the first two. I’ve read about the Love Languages, but I like how you said “translate”. I ain’t never heard a that a’fore! If you think of translating French to English (which I do a LOT of around here) then it makes so much sense when it comes to giving/receiving in a love language.
Twitter: Mrsourma
says:
Well its easy to remember that you are translating when you remember Men are from Mars not Venus