Saturday Alex and I went to the corn maize. We went to the corn maize after several hours at the local Mexican restaurant and bar wherein we listened to Mariachi versions of Pink Floyd, Johnny Cash, Jimmy Buffett, and other such entertainments.
(Key word you will note is we were at the BAR. Drinking for those of you missing the obvious.)
Then we headed to the local dairy farm because they have a pretty awesome corn maize.
At 10 p.m. Because the dark is an optimal time to get lost in a corn maize. Didn’t you know?
So we enter said corn maize only to realize one or two key things.
- Flashlights while important, are not quite as important as BATTERIES for your flashlight. Otherwise you won’t get fun photos. And we all know photos are key.
- Pre-teen girls scream really high-pitched, but also will cling desperately to you when older teenage boys are chasing them in the dark. Then they will follow you around just so they can hopefully one day get out.
- After you rescue said pre-teens, you will then meet two other strangers where you will bond over attempting to do the second part of the maize. Bonding will occur of questions such as “How many gallons of milk will a cow produce in its lifetime?” or “How many miles of thread can a pound of wool generate?” wherein the answers to get out of the maize depends on you correctly answering the question.
- When the temps are in the 50′s you should probably wear a jacket. Not just a long sleeve shirt. Otherwise your rather chivalrous husband will have to give up his coat and then make fun of you until you arrive home.
- Lastly, a map while helpful is utterly useless once you are amidst the corn with the exception of two points. The entrance and the exit.
So remember when going to a corn maize that you should drink first, help the pre-teens in puppy love with the cute yet terrifying teenage boys, bring batteries and wear coats. This has been your helpful PSA for enjoying your fall activities whilst thinking about Children of the Corn. Happy Fall Y’all!