An open letter to my ovaries and hormones.
Dearest Baby Factory,
Quite simply – shut up. I don’t know what decided to turn on your chants for “Baby! Baby!” but you’re timing is atrocious. In case you missed it, you need some repairs which cost money. Money that isn’t really an option to be spent on you right now.
On top of that, you forgot to get clearance on your decision from the supply train so to speak. In other words, you want work when there are no incoming supplies to work with so again I must ask you to tone it down. You are driving all of us batty with your gushing hormones whenever cute chubby cheeks, growing belly photos, and other statements like how morning sickness is ALL DAY sickness show up on the FB wall. I don’t actually understand the appeal to that last one but you clamor for it all the same.
Look I get it. You were designed for a purpose and you wish to fulfill your purpose, but I’m not really able to explain to Alex (A MAN) why I now avoid the Target baby aisle. He doesn’t get that I when I say “My ovaries make me do it” when I walk the longest possible path from dog food to register just to avoid the sights and sounds that make you quiver with want and need. You are wearing me out and it’s not fair. What have I ever done to you?
Ok besides those doctor visits.
Ok and beside that test.
Ok and that test.
Ok I get it…shut up. You win. You have earned this badge to clamor and quiver, to long and push, to cause tempers and tears all you want, but I’m warning you your plan is backfiring. I may succumb to the pull of your hormone army but the other half of this coin laughs at your army. All you have done is make his defenses stronger. Men!
So let’s work together to achieve what we want ok? Here’s the plan. First, shut up. You need to let me be normal when walking through the stores so he isn’t so darn suspicious of you. Do this and we’ll lull him into complacency. Then we’ll slowly let him take the lead…hold on hush I know you aren’t liking that idea at all but wait for it. So we’ll let him take the lead for a bit and then suddenly he’ll think it’s his idea and before you know it the supplies, professionals to help with repairs and the TIME and MONEY to get this show on the road will be here.
Soon you’ll be so busy working you won’t know why you were begging for this. So ovaries help a sister out and take a break so we can both breathe for a little while.
With love and compassion,