That’s right folks, I’m changing things around. You’ll start to see the direction I’m going. With that I may go back and “hide” some stuff so it’s a little less “old life” and more about embracing the new. With that though, here’s another #DivorceDiary
I’m really struggling today. Not sure why just am. Alex has been sweeter than normal lately, running his hand down my hair to let me know he’s home (granted I dislike that he’s out till 11 p.m. or later most nights) but all in all he’s been good.
I don’t know why it’s hurting so much today but it sucks. I heard the song “I wont give up” by Jason Mraz on my Pandora and started crying because I remember playing it for him. I just wanted him to know that I knew I was struggling with everything, but I loved him so much that I wasn’t give up on us. I wish he felt the same way.
I wish there was a way to save us. To make both our dreams come true – mine for kids, his for…well whatever it is he’s wanting. I’m not 100% sure.
I wish I could quit feeling sick to my stomach. This situation is breaking my heart so much. I really want to climb into his arms and just have him hold me. Just to make it all better for a little while, but I know that would be a lie.
I want to go home. That won’t fix anything but that’s how I feel. I just want to go home and hide in a closet or something.
I went to lunch with Alex and it made me feel better. Grateful he wants to remain friends and is willing to help me over these hurdles. While I’m sure there will come a time when he won’t per se be there like he is now, maybe we’ll get to the point where lunch is casual and between friends.
I wish we didn’t still feel like spouses. That’s where I struggle – when I look at us, our interactions, etc and its like we’re a good couple. We make a really good couple. I wish he saw that. I wish he wanted that.