A Happy Marriage

February 1, 2012 By 9 Comments

On the advice of a rather talented and funny gal whom I admire I’ve decided to start tonight’s post with the following advice.

Y’all I’m rather talented and quite hilarious so brace yourselves.

(Does it help if you believe this about yourself? Because if so I might as well give up now.)

(Thank you Megan for that bit of advice for now I’m sure the world will appreciate my greatness. Or at the very least stare at me from the same perch my cats hold themselves upon.)

Marriage is a funny funny thing. The biggest piece of advice you will hear from EVERYONE is “the key to a happy marriage is learning how to communicate.” I disagree, slightly. While communicating is indeed key – I think the final ::click:: in that happiness puzzle is ensuring you know how to lose.

Clearly ain't us

I’m sure some of y’all are thinking “SAY WHAT?!” It’s ok, I’m used to being called crazy. However, this fact cannot be made untrue.

Alex and I are pretty dang good communicators. I get he expresses himself in one way, he gets I express myself a little differently. We manage to cross those differences and voila! We have communication. However, we still fight.

Alas that is the truth y’all. You will fight in any marriage.

(Unless perhaps you are a Disney Princess married to Prince Charming and even that is suspect. Haven’t you ever wondered why they stop with the wedding? EXACTLY!)

So given that fighting is inevitable, the next key to this is in all fights someone will lose. Sometimes you both lose, sometimes one of you “wins” and the other “loses.” Either way – the quickest way for a fight to go from healthy, cleansing, and productive is for it devolve into a fight about absolutely nothing because neither one of you will give up.

Trust me on this one, Alex and I are both highly experienced in this area. Just this past weekend we had a cleansing fight about issues regarding housework. It happens. Normally we fight, we walk it off, and then we both get better at the points the other person brought up because they were kinda sorta right.

Last weekend however, neither one of us would back down. Until by the end of it we were fighting over my inability to say “Buttmunch” because I was so angry I was stumbling over my words calling him “MunchButt” and his idiotic laughter over my said inabilities. (This is funny now that I look back on it.) So the fight just continued in a circular fashion getting worse and worse and worse until we literally had to each leave the house to chill out.

That evening I apologized to him and he apologized to me and we’re back to the productive communicating.  All it would have taken to stop the above fight was for one of us to back down and accept a “loss.”

Oh Yes We Did

So communicating while critical is not as important as being ok with losing.

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , ,

Ice Cream for your Love

January 11, 2012 By 5 Comments

OK so when started the Love Dare it was a 365 Day Dare. At this point I think we’re making it into a 2-year dare, but hey we’re still trucking!

(I look for small victories in life.)

This last week had one of my favorite dares. We were supposed to buy something for our spouse to let them know we were thinking of them. For six days of the seven we hemmed and hawed over what on earth we could get each other. Especially given you know…Christmas.

(Diamonds may be nice, but obviously they weren’t the point of this dare. They so rarely go with Alex’s outfits.)

Anyway, on the last day it totally hit me. Alex loves ice cream. Don’t believe me? Check out my MIXING BOWL.

So since clearly Alex loves ice cream more than life itself, with the exception of his Jeep.

I thought, hey! Ice Cream says “I’m thinking of you!”

(But clearly not his waistline.)

One fancy schmancy card later and our freezer looked pretty jazzy. Best part of this whole deal? I got my own mini-apple pie.

Clearly we know the secret to true love.

(It involves your stomach.)

What would you buy to say “Thinking of you”?

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare Tagged With: , ,

To the Miracle Maker

December 7, 2011 By 11 Comments

Today’s post is courtesy of MamaKat and her wonderfully fun Writing Prompts. Today’s prompt is “An Open Letter to Santa”
Mama’s Losin’ It

Dear Santa,

Hey there big guy, I hope the year has treated you well. Are you ready for the final push before your annual vacation to the Keys? I’m sure you can’t wait to hand out all of the goodies to the girls and boys of the world!

click for source

Alex and I will ensure that we leave out enough cookies, milk, and carrots for you AND any potential helpers you have with you this year because we want to make sure we share the joy.

I hate to ask for something that probably isn’t in your big bag of magic, but this year I do have one really big Christmas wish.

Santa, I’d really like a break for Christmas this year. We’ve dealt with the diagnosis for Infertility. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression. The meds are helping though, so I can handle this I think. Then Alex and I almost got a divorce, but we’ve managed to come really far in this by doing our Love Dare and some marriage counseling. Oh and my Dad was in a motorcycle accident, but luckily is doing a lot better. Now, only a month ago Alex was laid off from his job, only to end up in the ER a few days later.

I know we are lucky to have my income and to have the ability to pay our bills (most of the time), but so many of our friends are succeeding and flourishing. Alex and I don’t want a mansion (who would want to dust the place??), but we would like the ability to pay our mortgage without stressing. We just want a chance to be comfortable. We’d like him to go to work and have a chance at a career with growth and future potential. However, right now we’d take a job where he could earn an income.

We’re trying so hard to be grateful for the many many blessings we have, but its harder and harder with each piece of straw placed on our backs. So for Christmas this year, all I’d like is a break.

I sure hope your trip is safe and warm (though I imagine many things will be warmer than the North Pole). Please be sure to give Dasher and Prancer a little nose rub from me as I’ve always been huge fans of their work.

With much love and a small sigh,

Stephanie

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, infertility, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , ,

Love Dare Update

November 7, 2011 By 6 Comments

Y’all….this dare is way harder than we expected.

We fell of the wagon for a week and then hopped back on at day 32 and rather than doubling up just thought we would go from there. We managed this for a few days and then Alex got sick which made some nights useless as he’d fall asleep before we ever did the dare. So take on a few days in scattered form.

Finally he started functioning in the evenings and we were getting back on the nightly basis of doing the dare. Then we had some relationship issues. (Yes ironic given that’s why we are doing the dare…but you gotta be willing to talk to one another to do the dare.) So there was a day or two missed there.

We got back on board with that and now we’re back in a rut again. Its crazy!

I can honestly say I never expected the dare to get this hard. It’s never the dare or weekly prayers that are hard. It’s the TIME that is so darn hard. Jobs get in the way. Laundry gets in the way. Dinner gets in the way. Heck Life gets in the way lately. Which is not to say they are in the way so much as by the time I get home from work, we eat, toss a load of clothes in the laundry and get stuff set out for work the next day and then take an hour down time its time to shower and crash. Otherwise we’d be up until midnight every night!

We’re committed to getting back on track and finding a schedule that works for us, but for now I feel like we’re running our boots off!

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Marriage Tagged With: , , ,

Avoiding the Negatives

October 10, 2011 By 4 Comments

Last night we started our third week of “The Love Dare” and up until now its been pretty simple. You read the daily devotion, you have a weekly dare, and occasionally you delve a little deeper by reading bible verses and reflecting on them.

The “dares” themselves have been super simple. Week one was pray. CHA-ECK! Week two was complete a task together from start to finish, and I consider grocery shopping to be said chore so BOOM! We are kicking it.

This week, “Say nothing negative about or to your spouse for it is better to say nothing than to be negative.” My immediate reaction was that this was gonna be a tougher week.

click for source

Alex just stared at me until I heard crickets. (Sorry the real ones freak me out …. no WAY was I putting an image of that on here.)

Then I had to scramble and explain that its not because I’m constantly THINKING negatives, its simply…how many times a day do you speak to your spouse and accidentally let something negative slip out. Both of you know it’s not intended poorly it just happens.

For Example. “Honey, why can’t you unload the dishwasher when you see a sink full of dishes??” or perhaps “Honey why on earth can’t you hang up your towel so it actually DRIES?”

Neither of those are “You stink!” but they are still negative. Stop and think about it for a minute. Heck try think over the last 24 hours worth of conversing with your spouse. How many negatively - connotative things did you say or do?

No seriously – please tell me. Maybe those crickets chirping was because Alex was right and I’d really rather know than be all “wow this IS a challenge” and be the only one staring at my side of the room.

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Marriage, Marriage Adventures, Reviews Tagged With: , , ,

Taking the dare. . .

September 29, 2011 By 9 Comments

Have y’all seen the movie “Fireproof”? It’s rather good, but yes heavily Christian based. I originally watched because well the Duggar family members are extras and I heard about it watching one of their shows. (Yes. I like the show. Get over it. I don’t agree with everything, but for the most part I like the show.)

Plus I was engaged at the time and Alex had heard good things about it as well so we watched it. We felt great about. We vowed to live a Fireproof marriage.

Ha. Haha. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HA.

Life happened. We um, failed, at our goal in a lot of ways. HOWEVER – we have never given up, so in that sense we are living the life.

This year, following a series of really great blog topics that I cannot blog about (I know I know…how annoying of me to even mention this) which is driving me LOONEY and major life stressors, Alex and I had our second wedding anniversary. My gift to him was a gun cleaning mat. So he would quit using our bath towels.

He gave me the “365 Love Dare: Wedding Edition” so we could begin a year of daily devotions and weekly dares to get back to a place where our lives and our marriage are Fireproof. (Clearly he trumps me in the gift giving area this year.)

click for source

So far we’re 11 days in and it has gotten harder. Not harder to read so much as harder to fulfill the tasks set aside. After a long day at work and then coming home to laundry and / or dinner all either of us wants to do is veg out. Taking the 10 minutes to read the daily devotion isn’t the hard part. It’s the journaling and the weekly dares that are tough right now. But they are building blocks to a better him, a better me, and ultimately a better us which is awesome.

Also awesome? We’re praying together every single night. That’s a HUGE improvement over well 1. Not praying at all and 2. Not necessarily taking time to connect every night. Even if we don’t reconnect at any other point of our night, we both know we’ll have devotion and prayer time together.

I’ll be straight up with y’all, it’s not the best. It’s not 100% where I want to be, but at least it’s moving in the right direction. I’m curious, has anyone else heard of The Love Dare? Completed it? If not, would you be willing to give it a go with your spouse?

What were your overall thoughts?

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Family, Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , , ,