Its A Loving Smile

April 23, 2012 By
Courageous

The past few weeks we’ve kind of been lackadaisical in our Love Dare. In fact, we’ve considered quitting. It’s just been really hard to share the love.

Moving a 3rd person into your home is hard. Its harder when you have different view points on the matter. I’m not going to pretend the last week has been super-duper easy (it hasn’t) but we keep plugging away. The church we attend (City on a Hill) did something really awesome and hosted a free showing of the movie Courageous.

Courageous Its A Loving Smile

{SNAKE KINGS BABY!}

(That really only makes sense if you’ve watched the movie. However, if you haven’t seen the movie check out the YouTube of that scene. It’s not the best quality but omg, HILARIOUS.)

Anyway, sorry had to just relive that scene myself. After we watched the movie we were actually able to come home and do our next day dare. The focus was greeting your spouse. I think this is an area we really struggle with especially during times of stress. We are grumpy from work, life, and rather than reach out to one another as the support structure we are supposed to be we end up shoving each other away emotionally. We might as well be on opposite sides of the track.

OMA 2326 Its A Loving Smile

I come home later than Alex and I tend to use the excuse that “well he doesn’t get up” as the reason I don’t walk in the door and kiss him. He uses the excuse that “I don’t just relax and smile” as his reason for not getting up and greeting me. The thing is, I’m tired of excuses. This dare will be one of our harder ones to overcome because a lot of these movements are kind of gut reaction and habit. Translation – they take no thought and we do them anyway.

My goal this week though is to live this dare. (Save me, help me, think of me!) Which means even if my hubby reacts with a grumble or a growl I WILL be greeting him with a kiss. Even if we have a text argument (please tell me we aren’t the only people who fight via texting) I will come home and kiss him hello. Even if I walk in two hours after him, and he and our HG (house guest) are lying on their arses staring at the t.v. while the dishes lie in our sink, dinner remains un-handled, and laundry is piled up I WILL be loving in my greeting.

I may also drive myself to drink by Friday, but hey – who said love was easy! Will you join me in being active in greeting your loved one this week?

2012 signature Its A Loving Smile

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , 7 Comments

Marriage Is:

March 29, 2012 By
Laughing Wedding Photo

IMG 0446 300x205 Marriage Is:

A commitment.

Strength.

The need to be committed.

Best friends.

Crazy.

Like a drinking game.

Partnership.

A business contract.

The ability to annoy one person for the rest of your life as much as they annoy you!

Fun.

Love.

Marriage is and can be defined by all of these things. So you tell me how to finish the phrase. Marriage is . . .

signature Marriage Is:

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: , Share Something Y'all

Turning a Corner

February 27, 2012 By
OMA-0860

Want to know what I did Friday? I laughed.

A lot. With my husband.

OMA 0860 Turning a Corner

(I’m sure this seems anti-climatic but wait! There’s more!)

As I’ve explained before in some detail, Alex and I have struggled more than anyone likely would suspect of a couple married only two and a half years. Six months ago everything came to a crashing head wherein I had to make a decision on whether or not I would stay. I’m not going to go into details (sorry for the curious) but suffice to say since the day I made my decision I’ve had it questioned by friends, family, and even occasionally myself.

No one except Alex truly understands the status of our marriage, and not even Alex fully understands what all I have gone through the last six months. He’s seen the ups and downs, and he’s been adamant through it all that he’d give me what I needed. The last six months, have ironically, also been the best six months of our marriage. We have knocked down doors, heck even some walls, and we’ve literally had to redefine our marriage.

But we did manage to do just that!

So this past Friday, the ability for us to not only sit in a restaurant, but LAUGH for two solid hours about Andrew Zimmerman and disgusting foods is a moment well fought for. I get that not everyone respects the decision I made to fight for my marriage. I get that not everyone understands WHY we’re still married. That’s ok.

Because we turned a corner. One we’ve fought for, cried for, been in therapy for, and most importantly sought together. Marriage is NOT easy. I can honestly say I hope our marriage is the exception rather than the rule to how tough it can get, but I also know if we can’t work through these last six months we’re going to make sixty years.

I realize this is a slightly serious post, but I figure given the um title of the blog y’all ought to know the corner we turned marriage wise. Next several posts are lots more fun (if you know, you like sugar cookies the size of PLATES!)

signature Turning a Corner

Filed Under: Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , , 12 Comments

Lesson’s I’ve Learned

February 13, 2012 By

Alex and I tried a new service this past weekend because I really liked the idea of Saturday night church AND I wanted to hear the second part to a sermon series.

The service was OK, but the important part, the sermon, really hit home for both of us. The sermon was entitled “Lesson’s I’ve learned as a Husband (and Wife)” and was shared by the associate Pastor and his wife at the church we attended.

They each shared lessons they had learned about choices you make in your marriage. Choices like not allowing simple frustrations (housework) and potential other priorities (your job) to take your focus off of each other. The truth is children, work, house, friends, family, etc should not be the center of your universe. They are not intended to be your number one anything. Based on the bible, God should be #1 and followed by that is your spouse.

The prayer “Dear Lord, help us to be the spouses you want us to be. Form us into the kind of spouse that is a JOY to our mates, honoring both them and Jesus in our WORDS, DEEDS, and LIFE…Help others, whether married or single, to see that our spouses are indeed our best friends and trusted partners in the ministry of our families.” hit home for me personally. As I sat beside Alex in service, I could tell he too was struck by the messages we were receiving.

I can’t tell you what he was thinking beyond “It all really hit home” because that’s he’s explained to me. I can say that for me the lesson about respecting your husband was reiterated.

I truly believe that the husband should be the “leader” in the relationship. He may not be the money maker, but he is the provider. He can provide by living out the ways you respect, honor, and live God’s word in his relationship with his wife and children. On the other hand, I, as a wife, need to respect my husband. That means growing in trust, growing in actions, and then living out these changes.

As Valentine’s Day comes upon us, I’m glad we were both able to hear this message. I have no doubt we each walked away with different thoughts, but in the end those differences are what brings us together as husband and wife.

signature Lessons Ive Learned

Filed Under: Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , , 6 Comments

A Happy Marriage

February 1, 2012 By
Oh Yes We Did

On the advice of a rather talented and funny gal whom I admire I’ve decided to start tonight’s post with the following advice.

Y’all I’m rather talented and quite hilarious so brace yourselves.

(Does it help if you believe this about yourself? Because if so I might as well give up now.)

(Thank you Megan for that bit of advice for now I’m sure the world will appreciate my greatness. Or at the very least stare at me from the same perch my cats hold themselves upon.)

Marriage is a funny funny thing. The biggest piece of advice you will hear from EVERYONE is “the key to a happy marriage is learning how to communicate.” I disagree, slightly. While communicating is indeed key – I think the final ::click:: in that happiness puzzle is ensuring you know how to lose.

couplebedfight A Happy Marriage

Clearly ain't us

I’m sure some of y’all are thinking “SAY WHAT?!” It’s ok, I’m used to being called crazy. However, this fact cannot be made untrue.

Alex and I are pretty dang good communicators. I get he expresses himself in one way, he gets I express myself a little differently. We manage to cross those differences and voila! We have communication. However, we still fight.

Alas that is the truth y’all. You will fight in any marriage.

(Unless perhaps you are a Disney Princess married to Prince Charming and even that is suspect. Haven’t you ever wondered why they stop with the wedding? EXACTLY!)

So given that fighting is inevitable, the next key to this is in all fights someone will lose. Sometimes you both lose, sometimes one of you “wins” and the other “loses.” Either way – the quickest way for a fight to go from healthy, cleansing, and productive is for it devolve into a fight about absolutely nothing because neither one of you will give up.

Trust me on this one, Alex and I are both highly experienced in this area. Just this past weekend we had a cleansing fight about issues regarding housework. It happens. Normally we fight, we walk it off, and then we both get better at the points the other person brought up because they were kinda sorta right.

Last weekend however, neither one of us would back down. Until by the end of it we were fighting over my inability to say “Buttmunch” because I was so angry I was stumbling over my words calling him “MunchButt” and his idiotic laughter over my said inabilities. (This is funny now that I look back on it.) So the fight just continued in a circular fashion getting worse and worse and worse until we literally had to each leave the house to chill out.

That evening I apologized to him and he apologized to me and we’re back to the productive communicating.  All it would have taken to stop the above fight was for one of us to back down and accept a “loss.”

we will walk together 300x222 A Happy Marriage

Oh Yes We Did

So communicating while critical is not as important as being ok with losing.

signature A Happy Marriage

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , 13 Comments

Marrying Advice

January 18, 2012 By

Wuv. True Wuv. Otherwise known as how to know if they are “the one.”

** Fair warning. This post goes there. The bathroom. So run away now if you can’t handle the truth. Just please come back tomorrow. **

There are not many things dating advice-wise that I listened to my Mom about when I was a teenager. Because she was my mom, and well what self-respecting teenage girl thinks her Mom knows anything about boys MEN. Sheesh.

However one bit of advice she passed along has stayed with me and continues to make me smile.

“Only marry the man {or woman no judging here} you can see yourself helping wiping their butt when they can’t do it themselves anymore.”

Now clearly this bit of advice doesn’t just focus on the bathroom, but more importantly on marrying someone who you can love to the point that you will take care of even the “lowliest” of tasks when they can’t help themselves.

That bit of advice is how I know Alex and I married the right person. I was not 100% this weekend and after avoiding telling Alex what was going on I finally admitted my issue.

(Which I’m avoiding spelling out because sometimes TMI is too much between spouses let alone internet friends. Enemies however are A-OK!)

(But you are all friends. Be glad.)

Alex, bless his heart, did not run in fear or avoid the topic. Nope he asked specific questions before heading off to the drugstore to get me some meds. Then the next day, after the meds were in my system, he asked me how things were going. Not only that, but I had a brief moment of “I should let Alex know!” before quickly coming to my senses and avoiding the topic all together again.

Yup I married the right man for me. He’ll help me out even when I’d rather die of embarrassment then go to a doctor.

signature Marrying Advice

Filed Under: Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , 7 Comments

Ice Cream for your Love

January 11, 2012 By
Love

OK so when started the Love Dare it was a 365 Day Dare. At this point I think we’re making it into a 2-year dare, but hey we’re still trucking!

(I look for small victories in life.)

This last week had one of my favorite dares. We were supposed to buy something for our spouse to let them know we were thinking of them. For six days of the seven we hemmed and hawed over what on earth we could get each other. Especially given you know…Christmas.

(Diamonds may be nice, but obviously they weren’t the point of this dare. They so rarely go with Alex’s outfits.)

Anyway, on the last day it totally hit me. Alex loves ice cream. Don’t believe me? Check out my MIXING BOWL.

S5000575 1024x768 Ice Cream for your Love

So since clearly Alex loves ice cream more than life itself, with the exception of his Jeep.

I thought, hey! Ice Cream says “I’m thinking of you!”

Love 1018x1024 Ice Cream for your Love

(But clearly not his waistline.)

One fancy schmancy card later and our freezer looked pretty jazzy. Best part of this whole deal? I got my own mini-apple pie.

Clearly we know the secret to true love.

(It involves your stomach.)

What would you buy to say “Thinking of you”?

signature Ice Cream for your Love

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare Tagged With: , , 5 Comments

An Average Married Weekend

October 17, 2011 By

Its Sunday evening and Alex and I are relaxing to the yummy scents of a Pumpkin Caramel candle while the dishwasher runs and the dryer dries. In other words, homey scents and sounds are filling our house. The weekend has been a good one, but let’s be honest also pretty simple. Marriage cannot be date nights every weekend otherwise we’d be totally broke!

An Average Married Weekend

click for source

Saturday was a fun day for me because I was able to spend part of the day with my bestie Shelly. (She who now monitors my photo taking of her). We were able to walk and talk and shop at the mall which is always nice because she and I do only get to see each other every couple of months. Then I was able to see some co-workers and a former co-worker (I miss her already!!) for drinks. It was nice to be able to chat and in general mingle outside of work. It was especially awesome to be able to see the former co-worker whom I wasn’t sure when I would get to see again and just give her a big ol’ hug.

Unfortunately Saturday night we were struck with the Chore Wars once again. I seriously think Reality TV could have an awesome series if they just documented married couples’ and the Chore Wars. Reality is that Saturday night we each disappeared to our corners to “chill” and calm down. Alex was able to hang with friends and I curled up in our guest room (it’s the only bedroom with a t.v.) where I watch a super girly movie.

Today we again separated as he slept in and I got up to go for a walk in the park. I was able to take some fun photos which I’m hoping to get up tomorrow and think. I also found that MS lurvs MJ. I know this is true because the gazebo had it spray painted everywhere so it must be an eternal love!

(Spray painting your affections means it will last forever right?)

(If you disagree I think you should spray paint your protest. Think how pretty and colorful park benches would be!)

(Just so you know I’m not actually endorsing vandalism. Only spray paint the benches you own. Otherwise its illegal. And I do not have enough bail money to endorse that.)

Today we just chilled around these house until dinner time where we were able to have a good discussion about our argument from last night. Chores will likely always be a slight issue in our household because we were raised differently and its two styles of life trying to merge. The biggest issue is not who does what so much as certain chores are daily and certain chores are weekly. Plus some could be classified as  ”guy” or “girl” chores and we don’t agree on how to handle all of these. There is always going to be a difficulty in that. Luckily we’re both determined to continue working towards a middle ground.

It’s not the most exciting weekend, but hey this is the average life of a married couple. Especially in this economy. Laundry, grocery shopping, and house chores.

How do you split the household chores?

signature An Average Married Weekend

Filed Under: Marriage, Marriage Adventures, Our House Tagged With: , , , , 6 Comments
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