Lesson’s I’ve Learned

February 13, 2012 By 6 Comments

Alex and I tried a new service this past weekend because I really liked the idea of Saturday night church AND I wanted to hear the second part to a sermon series.

The service was OK, but the important part, the sermon, really hit home for both of us. The sermon was entitled “Lesson’s I’ve learned as a Husband (and Wife)” and was shared by the associate Pastor and his wife at the church we attended.

They each shared lessons they had learned about choices you make in your marriage. Choices like not allowing simple frustrations (housework) and potential other priorities (your job) to take your focus off of each other. The truth is children, work, house, friends, family, etc should not be the center of your universe. They are not intended to be your number one anything. Based on the bible, God should be #1 and followed by that is your spouse.

The prayer “Dear Lord, help us to be the spouses you want us to be. Form us into the kind of spouse that is a JOY to our mates, honoring both them and Jesus in our WORDS, DEEDS, and LIFE…Help others, whether married or single, to see that our spouses are indeed our best friends and trusted partners in the ministry of our families.” hit home for me personally. As I sat beside Alex in service, I could tell he too was struck by the messages we were receiving.

I can’t tell you what he was thinking beyond “It all really hit home” because that’s he’s explained to me. I can say that for me the lesson about respecting your husband was reiterated.

I truly believe that the husband should be the “leader” in the relationship. He may not be the money maker, but he is the provider. He can provide by living out the ways you respect, honor, and live God’s word in his relationship with his wife and children. On the other hand, I, as a wife, need to respect my husband. That means growing in trust, growing in actions, and then living out these changes.

As Valentine’s Day comes upon us, I’m glad we were both able to hear this message. I have no doubt we each walked away with different thoughts, but in the end those differences are what brings us together as husband and wife.

Filed Under: Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , ,

A Happy Marriage

February 1, 2012 By 9 Comments

On the advice of a rather talented and funny gal whom I admire I’ve decided to start tonight’s post with the following advice.

Y’all I’m rather talented and quite hilarious so brace yourselves.

(Does it help if you believe this about yourself? Because if so I might as well give up now.)

(Thank you Megan for that bit of advice for now I’m sure the world will appreciate my greatness. Or at the very least stare at me from the same perch my cats hold themselves upon.)

Marriage is a funny funny thing. The biggest piece of advice you will hear from EVERYONE is “the key to a happy marriage is learning how to communicate.” I disagree, slightly. While communicating is indeed key – I think the final ::click:: in that happiness puzzle is ensuring you know how to lose.

Clearly ain't us

I’m sure some of y’all are thinking “SAY WHAT?!” It’s ok, I’m used to being called crazy. However, this fact cannot be made untrue.

Alex and I are pretty dang good communicators. I get he expresses himself in one way, he gets I express myself a little differently. We manage to cross those differences and voila! We have communication. However, we still fight.

Alas that is the truth y’all. You will fight in any marriage.

(Unless perhaps you are a Disney Princess married to Prince Charming and even that is suspect. Haven’t you ever wondered why they stop with the wedding? EXACTLY!)

So given that fighting is inevitable, the next key to this is in all fights someone will lose. Sometimes you both lose, sometimes one of you “wins” and the other “loses.” Either way – the quickest way for a fight to go from healthy, cleansing, and productive is for it devolve into a fight about absolutely nothing because neither one of you will give up.

Trust me on this one, Alex and I are both highly experienced in this area. Just this past weekend we had a cleansing fight about issues regarding housework. It happens. Normally we fight, we walk it off, and then we both get better at the points the other person brought up because they were kinda sorta right.

Last weekend however, neither one of us would back down. Until by the end of it we were fighting over my inability to say “Buttmunch” because I was so angry I was stumbling over my words calling him “MunchButt” and his idiotic laughter over my said inabilities. (This is funny now that I look back on it.) So the fight just continued in a circular fashion getting worse and worse and worse until we literally had to each leave the house to chill out.

That evening I apologized to him and he apologized to me and we’re back to the productive communicating.  All it would have taken to stop the above fight was for one of us to back down and accept a “loss.”

Oh Yes We Did

So communicating while critical is not as important as being ok with losing.

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare, Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , ,

Marrying Advice

January 18, 2012 By 7 Comments

Wuv. True Wuv. Otherwise known as how to know if they are “the one.”

** Fair warning. This post goes there. The bathroom. So run away now if you can’t handle the truth. Just please come back tomorrow. **

There are not many things dating advice-wise that I listened to my Mom about when I was a teenager. Because she was my mom, and well what self-respecting teenage girl thinks her Mom knows anything about boys MEN. Sheesh.

However one bit of advice she passed along has stayed with me and continues to make me smile.

“Only marry the man {or woman no judging here} you can see yourself helping wiping their butt when they can’t do it themselves anymore.”

Now clearly this bit of advice doesn’t just focus on the bathroom, but more importantly on marrying someone who you can love to the point that you will take care of even the “lowliest” of tasks when they can’t help themselves.

That bit of advice is how I know Alex and I married the right person. I was not 100% this weekend and after avoiding telling Alex what was going on I finally admitted my issue.

(Which I’m avoiding spelling out because sometimes TMI is too much between spouses let alone internet friends. Enemies however are A-OK!)

(But you are all friends. Be glad.)

Alex, bless his heart, did not run in fear or avoid the topic. Nope he asked specific questions before heading off to the drugstore to get me some meds. Then the next day, after the meds were in my system, he asked me how things were going. Not only that, but I had a brief moment of “I should let Alex know!” before quickly coming to my senses and avoiding the topic all together again.

Yup I married the right man for me. He’ll help me out even when I’d rather die of embarrassment then go to a doctor.

Filed Under: Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , ,

Ice Cream for your Love

January 11, 2012 By 5 Comments

OK so when started the Love Dare it was a 365 Day Dare. At this point I think we’re making it into a 2-year dare, but hey we’re still trucking!

(I look for small victories in life.)

This last week had one of my favorite dares. We were supposed to buy something for our spouse to let them know we were thinking of them. For six days of the seven we hemmed and hawed over what on earth we could get each other. Especially given you know…Christmas.

(Diamonds may be nice, but obviously they weren’t the point of this dare. They so rarely go with Alex’s outfits.)

Anyway, on the last day it totally hit me. Alex loves ice cream. Don’t believe me? Check out my MIXING BOWL.

So since clearly Alex loves ice cream more than life itself, with the exception of his Jeep.

I thought, hey! Ice Cream says “I’m thinking of you!”

(But clearly not his waistline.)

One fancy schmancy card later and our freezer looked pretty jazzy. Best part of this whole deal? I got my own mini-apple pie.

Clearly we know the secret to true love.

(It involves your stomach.)

What would you buy to say “Thinking of you”?

Filed Under: 365 Love Dare Tagged With: , ,

An Average Married Weekend

October 17, 2011 By 6 Comments

Its Sunday evening and Alex and I are relaxing to the yummy scents of a Pumpkin Caramel candle while the dishwasher runs and the dryer dries. In other words, homey scents and sounds are filling our house. The weekend has been a good one, but let’s be honest also pretty simple. Marriage cannot be date nights every weekend otherwise we’d be totally broke!

click for source

Saturday was a fun day for me because I was able to spend part of the day with my bestie Shelly. (She who now monitors my photo taking of her). We were able to walk and talk and shop at the mall which is always nice because she and I do only get to see each other every couple of months. Then I was able to see some co-workers and a former co-worker (I miss her already!!) for drinks. It was nice to be able to chat and in general mingle outside of work. It was especially awesome to be able to see the former co-worker whom I wasn’t sure when I would get to see again and just give her a big ol’ hug.

Unfortunately Saturday night we were struck with the Chore Wars once again. I seriously think Reality TV could have an awesome series if they just documented married couples’ and the Chore Wars. Reality is that Saturday night we each disappeared to our corners to “chill” and calm down. Alex was able to hang with friends and I curled up in our guest room (it’s the only bedroom with a t.v.) where I watch a super girly movie.

Today we again separated as he slept in and I got up to go for a walk in the park. I was able to take some fun photos which I’m hoping to get up tomorrow and think. I also found that MS lurvs MJ. I know this is true because the gazebo had it spray painted everywhere so it must be an eternal love!

(Spray painting your affections means it will last forever right?)

(If you disagree I think you should spray paint your protest. Think how pretty and colorful park benches would be!)

(Just so you know I’m not actually endorsing vandalism. Only spray paint the benches you own. Otherwise its illegal. And I do not have enough bail money to endorse that.)

Today we just chilled around these house until dinner time where we were able to have a good discussion about our argument from last night. Chores will likely always be a slight issue in our household because we were raised differently and its two styles of life trying to merge. The biggest issue is not who does what so much as certain chores are daily and certain chores are weekly. Plus some could be classified as  ”guy” or “girl” chores and we don’t agree on how to handle all of these. There is always going to be a difficulty in that. Luckily we’re both determined to continue working towards a middle ground.

It’s not the most exciting weekend, but hey this is the average life of a married couple. Especially in this economy. Laundry, grocery shopping, and house chores.

How do you split the household chores?

Filed Under: Marriage, Marriage Adventures, Our House Tagged With: , , , ,

To My Husband

September 12, 2011 By 1 Comment

Today is September 12th. (Yes I know you know but let me be…)

Two years ago we joined hands. We joined lives. We made vows.

The past 12 months have been anything but the smooth expectation of marriage we had hoped for, but you know what….we’re still here. Together.

The last week has been monumental to our lives and our future, but you know what….we’re still here together.

I don’t know what the next week brings us. I don’t know what the next year brings us. I DO know what I hope for. I DO know what you have told me you hope for. The best of us are reaching out our hands. Because you know what baby? Love don’t run.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/ys1zz0l5zVw[/youtube]

I raise my glass, I reach out my hand, and to you I say I love you and Happy Anniversary. Love your punkin, your wife, your partner FOR LIFE.

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

A Big, Dark, Horrible, Not-So-Terrible Secret

August 12, 2011 By 2 Comments

Our big dark secret (that isn’t so secret…or dark for that matter) (well unless you count the time of day when we go, then its dark out) is Alex and I have been in marriage counseling for the past month.

We entered counseling because the fights are bad, the good times are AMAZING and I cannot stress that enough. We laugh, we chill, we cuddle, and we love on one another every single week. We just were also fighting…every single week. Now we’ve knocked it down to two distinct fights and I think two quietly discussed reviews of situations in the course of a month+. (Quiet enough to hear the cats purring beside us….we can get quiet.)

This blog is and will remain about our marriage adventure. The good and the bad moments, but this series of events has left me befuddled and ashamed. Ashamed that before our 2nd anniversary of marriage we’ve had several “should we get divorced?” conversations both on the calm, rational level and the screaming at the top of our lungs level. (I’m a match and light up easily…he’s a tea kettle, takes his time but definitely gets the point across.)

In fact, in recent discussions with close friends I’ve had two distinctly different responses. One was “I didn’t really think y’all would get better” and the other was the best advice I’ve ever heard. I was told, after pretty much sobbing my heart out about being a failure at marriage, the fact that all of our friends’ marriages were amazing and they were so in love, yadda yadda yadda and Alex and I … we fight. Life sucked. This friend let me get it all out and then went…

“Stop judging yourself based on other people’s marriages. Remember you only see the 10% façade they show the rest of the world. They only see the 10% façade y’all show the world. No one truly knows what another marriage is like except the people in that marriage.”

LIGHTBULB!!!

After that statement I quit being ashamed that we needed counseling already and started looking at it as, who knows maybe we are normal and we’re just less able to adjust to the changes marriage has on a couple without some guidance. Ultimately what we needed, and found, in our counseling is we need a translator. I don’t speak guy. Alex does not speak gal. Thus most things get lost in translation, even if it’s as simple as “I need to think about this.” The good news is, its working!

So I guess in all of this I wanted to let other married couples know its ok to need counseling. Even if you are newlyweds or have been married 50 wonderful years. Mindee over at Our Front Door has a great post on what your wedding vows really mean, and I’m personally thinking this should be handed out before you actually say “I Do” because reality is those two tiny words carry a whole lot more weight than you might think.

::Wipes Brow:: Whew! I am so glad to have that deep dark secret out. Now, I’m off to the craft store to buy a pirate flag for a cake I’m baking tomorrow. I’ll show you photos of the cake just not me from the party since it’s a pool party and bikini photos are not making it up on the web. Hope y’all have a great weekend!!

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Marriage Adventures Tagged With: , , , , ,

What a Wonderful Week

March 18, 2011 By 10 Comments

Have you ever had some great news, a “win” if you want to call it that and the need to shout it from the top of the world? Well I sure do because its Friday y’all and oh my gosh what a wonderful Friday it is! This week the “Friday, We’re In Love” series may get a tad mushy. I’d apologize, but frankly I’m elated to BE mushy so for one day only. Smile and enjoy it please!

Alex and I have had a GREAT week. I mean it. This week has just about blown all of the others out of the park in more ways that you can consider. Here’s a quick recap of our week since last Friday. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Family, General things about our lives Tagged With: , , , , ,
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